she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
