Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
