I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize