shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
