Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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