My first STD was from a foam party
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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