I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
