Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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