i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
