I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
