I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize