I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
