party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
