I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pray to the hookup gods
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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