Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
