her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
