Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
