We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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