dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
