***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
