this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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