ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
