I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
