someone threw a dead crab at me
My first STD was from a foam party
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize