DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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