just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize