Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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