I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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