i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
