I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
