We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
