Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
