Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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