make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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