the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
