Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize