also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
