I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize