She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
