Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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