Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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