Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
