it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
