we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
