How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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