wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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