shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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