i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
