i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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