suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
