Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
