Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
