Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
