i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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