If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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