Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have demons in me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
