so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize