he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Semen is not good for contacts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
