he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They took my balls.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize