new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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