your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He better not be in your backpack
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
