youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
