i need an iv and a liver transplant
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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