____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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