i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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