Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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