Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
