yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
